R.I.P. Retarted Chicken

I knew 2009 would be a good year. The bane of my existence, retarted chicken, finally kicked the bucket this week. (Picture me doing a happy dance right now) I've schemed for two years on how to off this feathered fiend, but in the end she thwarted me by dying on her own. I'm not crazy or an animal abuser. I love animals, really. With two exceptions- cows and chickens. I'm afraid of cows, much to the amusement of several of the men that I work with, and I just plain hate chickens-they're mean.

I know this sounds odd so let me explain. I spent 5-6 years in elementary/middle school living on a faux farm. Faux because we had cows and chickens. That was it. We didn't have any other livestock nor did we plant and grow food. Just stupid cows and chickens. I'm scared of cows because I almost got trampled by several of them one day. They're big and stupid which equals dangerous in my book. And I hate chickens because they're mean. It was my chore to collect the eggs from the hens each day. I had to go in with a wiffle bat because apparently hens get seriously pissed off when you try to take their eggs. Very traumatic experiences I promise.

But there's always a silver lining. I have two very impressive skills that I can list on my resume thanks to those experiences. 1. I am the reigning champion of 4-wheeler cow tipping, and 2. I can knock a chicken over 50 feet away with a wiffle bat. (It's all about a proper swing.) See-aren't you impressed?

Now that my phobia and hatred is fully explained, back to retarted chicken. Jeremy thought it would be hilarious to get me a few baby chicks a couple of years ago for my birthday. A gag gift that he promises to NEVER EVER repeat. Chicken #1 died a mysterious death . . . but retarted chicken hung in there for a few years despite my many attempts to feed her to Dakota.

So, in remembrance of retarted chicken I'm going to take a moment . . . . to decide what I'm going to order tomorrow when I go to Chick-fil-a to celebrate! Grilled or breaded? Ha!!

There is hope!

This past weekend reaffirmed my belief that anything is possible.

First, Emma's surgery on Friday went really well. I was super nervous about her being put under anesthesia due to her asthma and our stint in the ER the weekend before. But, it went great. The first three hours or so after surgery were a nightmare though. Emma was absolutely inconsolable after the surgery; crying and just beside herself. Apparently this is normal for little kids. She finally took a nap in my lap and when she woke up it was like nothing had happened. Amazing! I truly think she feels better too without all of the blockage in her ears. The ENT said she probably was in pain too but had just become accustomed to it. She's almost like a completely different child. Case in point- She totally tried to upstage Mollie at her own baby shower. All of the attendees were sitting in a circle and Emma took it upon herself to jump right in the middle and dance, laugh, run around, and generally just show off. She thrived on the applause (which everyone was gracious enough to give her). She hasn't quite grasped the concept that the world does not revolve around her! Sorry again Mollie!!

She and Baylie seem to be getting along famously now. Baylie always wanted to be touching Emma's arm and Emma kept stroking Baylie's hair. She has total hair envy I think. Aren't they cuties?

And, dum dum da dum- Jeremy said that he needed to get started on renovating our bathroom and completing our half-finished chainlink fence. Then, he's going to build our deck out back! All within the next few months! There is a God and He heard my prayers!

And I found my brightest beacon of hope last night while trying to organize some of my junk. It came in the form of a wrinkled yellow piece of paper with William Frazier's chicken scratch/handwriting on it. The personalized workout plan William had created for Mollie and I while we were all at UCA! While Mollie and I were roomies in our fabulous apartment in Conway we would meet the MCHS crew 3-4 days a week at the Hyper Center on campus to work out. (The MCHS crew consisted of the three of us plus Brooks Tune, Aaron Eppler, and occasionally Josh Austin.) William came up with this kick ass workout plan for us and I must say I have never been in better shape. (Even when I was being yelled at on a daily basis to run in high school.) We had so much fun getting together every afternoon . . . ahh memories. So anyway, I found this and my hope in fitting into my pre-Emma clothes has been restored. Her surgery and other insane work issues have kept me out of the gym so far despite my recent promise but all of that is going to change because I now have a surefire plan again! William Frazier-my hero!

And, since I'm being hopeful I dropped off my taxes today so cross your fingers for me that my CPA tells me I'm getting a really large tax return this year- Mama needs to go shopping!!

In a rut

Ok, so I'm in a serious rut. I realized this as I was sitting at my dining room table, supposed to be working, but reading blogs and looking out at the rainy iceiness instead. We had Emma at the emergency room on Sunday with some difficulty breathing. Luckily, I caught it early enough that we got to skip the hospital stay but they did send home a steroid that I have to give her to ease the inflammation in her airways and we do some extra breathing treatments every 4 hours. All in all a minor incident but I'm working from home for a couple of days so I can monitor her pretty closely. I work for a terrific company. Really I do. My boss is so fantastic about letting me do what work I can from home when Emma is sick and the company even formed a brand new HR policy to accomodate me. Nice huh? Benefits of being semi-indispensible I suppose.



But, back to this rut. It's not what you would typically think-the routine of day to day life doesn't bother me. In fact I'm so anal that any deviation from our routine gets on my last nerve. But anyway, this rut is more of a fashion/appearance rut. Unfortuately for me I'm still holding onto about 10-15 extra pounds of baby weight. Or more correctly, my ass and belly are holding onto them, so 99% of my old clothes don't fit. So I have a very limited wardrobe. And I refuse to purchase anything else because I'm determined to fit into my old clothes one day. You can only wear the same clothes and t-shirt jeans combo so many times before you want to shoot yourself.



I've tried to work out at home after work but that is nearly impossible. I have to cook, clean, get Emma around for bed, and I feel terrible if I don't get in some good quality time with her. So, I think I'm going to join the gym again. Instead of trying to work out after work I'm going to do it during work. No more lunch breaks for me-straight to the gym for a workout and then back to the office. And, a hardcore diet is in order. It's very difficult to diet around my house-Jeremy has an enormous sweet tooth and can eat whatever he wants without gaining a pound. Me-I have no willpower and just looking at something makes it magically appear on my ass.



So, I need everyone who reads this to hold me accountable. Every week or two I'll write a quick post about how my diet/workout plan is progressing. Since I don't want to fail publically I'll be more apt to stick to my plan! Assuming I can get out of my driveway tomorrow I'll join the gym then. If not it may be next week since Emma is getting tubes placed in her ears Friday.



Then, I can get Jennifer to tell me her favorite stores on ebay!

Because it's hilarious . . .

. . . Just a couple of the ways Emma makes me laugh on a daily basis:

What would you think if you found your child gnawing on this with it hanging half out of her mouth?

I thought "Oh s!#*!! My child is eating dog s*$#!! "

Turns out it was a potato that came with a basket of plastic fruits and vegetables I bought to go with her kitchen. Really?! The guy that designed this is having himself a big laugh over it. Daily. Does that not look exactly like dog poo to anyone else? And let me just throw in a disclaimer here: yes, we have dogs in the house but they are very well trained and rarely ever have accidents in the house. So it is not normal to find dog poo in our home and the chances of Emma actually eating dog poo are one in a million.

And my favorite Emma moment of the week came yesterday evening when Jeremy was finishing our hardwood floors (YES!). His preferred music while laboring is the Beastie Boys. I know, I know . . . And apparently Emma has inherited his taste in music (may God help us all). Unfortunately when you view the video below you'll have to view most of it sideways. I shot it really quickly with my phone and apparently I'm not technologically advanced enough for my phone. When I turn it sideways it compensates so I'm still looking at the video right-side-up, sooo I just assumed it would film that way also. Didn't happen, sorry.

She's a maaaaniac, maaaaaniac on the floor . . . .

Don't pretend you didn't recognize the song she was rocking to!

Knowledge is Power

Things I had to learn for myself. If only someone had told me these things a long time ago . . .

1. Head and Shoulders is THE BEST shampoo for your hair and skin. Yes, it is true. I started seeing a new dermatologist because my face still thinks I am 15 and I have massive acne breakouts (sigh) and he recommended that I switch from my Matrix shampoo to this. Shampoo plays a big part in breakouts, particularly on your face or neck and back. ( Thank the good Lord I only have to worry about my face or I would have jumped off a cliff a long time ago) Head and Shoulders does not aggrivate acne or breakout prone skin. And, believe it or not it actually smells good now too-it has come a huge step up in the world. Also FYI-Pantene is the WORST shampoo to use! If you own it throw it out!

2. Cover Girl makeup is terrible. I own very little (mascara actually is all) but my dermatologist said it is the worst makeup for your skin. It's thick and will clog your pores like nobody's business.

3. Neutrogena products are actually the best for your face/skin because they are made with acne prone teenagers in mind. Ditto with their makeup. (Again, from my dermatologist. He's actually pretty prominent in the industry so I trust him. And, I've lived by his recommendations the last few months and have seen improvements)

4. ION, made by the genuises that brought us the CHI flat iron, is a wonder product. You spray this on your hair and it is shiny and silky smooth. I mean SHINY-as in shampoo commercial blind you if the sun hits it just right shiny. Warning:use sparingly because a little goes a long way. Too much and you look like you have not washed your hair in a year.

5. Aveeno Lotion is an absolute Godsend during winter months. Dry patches be gone!

6. Bare Minerals Multi-Tasking Powder can cover up any blemish on your face or dark circles under your eyes. Seriously. Buy it on ebay and save yourself some cash.

Here's hoping my discoveries can help you out too!

Weekend Wrap-Up

We had a jam packed weekend, and it really reflected in Emma's sleeping schedule. I bet she and I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night. Poor baby had a lot of trouble keeping up with our running around. But it shouldn't take too long to get her back on track.

Friday night we went over to a friend's house for dinner. It was kind of a last minute thing so I had to buy a dessert to bring instead of making one. I HATE that, but what can you do? We've known Jace and Beth for years (Jace actually went to MCHS) so it was fun to spend time with them and catch up. We were out pretty late (for us anyway-10pm!) and Emma was wiped out. She loved their dog though-Beth has a miniature Doberman Pincher. It was too cute in it's 7 pound glory and I may have found my next indoor dog!

Saturday Jeremy worked on our hardwood floor installation. We only have about 50 sq ft left to complete in the kitchen-woo hoo- before he gets to start on the 3rd bedroom! It's like pulling teeth to get Jeremy started on ANY project, but once he gets going he does pretty good. He just has to have some Playstation breaks thrown in here and there and plenty of coke or beer on hand. Emma and I stayed out of his way by doing some shopping and then riding the 4-wheeler. She is a little speed junkie and LOVES to ride in the big "car". Our friend Morgan got Emma this fleece pullover and we get compliments on it ALL the time. (I have a better picture of her in the pullover but Jeremy was "taking a break" and there are beer cans in the background-classy. I don't want anyone to think Emma was drinking and driving!)

Sunday we skipped out on church because my brother and his family were in town from Florida. Unfortunately they were here due to a death in the family, but we were thrilled to see them all the same. It had been two years since the last time we got together. Emma thought JJ was just the coolest thing ever. He was the sweetest little thing-giving loves to everybody and playing with Emma.

My brother Jeremy, his wife Donna, and three year old son JJ. I also have a niece Alicia who is 6 but wasn't able to come.

Here's JJ playing peek-a-boo with Emma during lunch. She was just mesmerized by him and thought it was great that a big kid was playing with her.

And finally, me with my brother and JJ. Can you see a little of the family resemblance? Thank God I look like someone I'm related to, I was starting to wonder. Those of you who know my mom and sister know that there is no resemblance there whatsoever.

We were sad that there wasn't more time to visit, but hopefully we'll see them again soon.

Anniversary Tribute

Since Jeremy and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary on Sunday I thought I would pay a tribute to our special day by regaling everyone with the story of how we met followed up by everyone's favorite-a picture montage!

We met one summer when Jeremy was working at Walmart. He was fresh out of high school and an older man at 18 while I was 16 and slaving away as a Sonic carhop. (Don't laugh-if you're lovely and charming like me you can make a killing on tips-a killing!) We became friends but didn't start dating until a year later, mainly because I was seeing someone, and then someone else, and he was dating half of the girls in Malvern. Finally, a year later we had our first date and have been together ever since. Huge props to me for taking a promiscuous boy and turning him monogamous don't you think?

1999-His grandparents' 50th Anniversary party at the Tea Room in Malvern. 17 and 19 respectively.

2000- After my Senior Prom2002-Jeremy's birthday

2003- Our Wedding

2005- Halloween Costume Contest with the girls

2006-Santa Train

2007- The day Emma was born!

2008-Emma's 1st Birthday